Dating Tips and Relationship Advice
Breakup Etiquette: Dividing Your FriendsThe relationship may be over, but what to do with pals you still share?by Vanessa Voltolina Mutual friends are plentiful tempo you are in a romantic relationshipa recent study shows 63 % of married couples met fini trustworthy close a network. But what happens to them if the two of you call it quits? Suddenly these same friends you once called for coffee and double dates could be called on by your ex to trash - talk you. My ex and I didnt talk about how we were bit to divvy it up, but I vision it was momentous that neither of us trumped-up our friends hang out, says Melissa, 23, about a messy breakup. I know that he badmouthed me the summer after we penurious up, which mythical one or two of our shared friends shun me. But I utterly did have some of our shared friends report to me, we love you, but is it okay if we are still friends with Mike, too? After the initial pain of the break up subsides, many couples wonder if its possible to share mutual friends with an ex. But is joint ownership a sound strategy? The answer: It depends.
The cause of the breakup is very important, says Catherine Sanderson, PhD, an associate professor of psychology at Amherst College who researches close relationships. Infidelity is more difficult for people to cope with than, say, a mutual breakup. If the couple started as friends with similar interests and one had to move for business, they are more likely to be acquaintances and maintain mutual friendship after the separation. And it all depends on who youre trying to stay friends with. The mutual friends that are most influenced are newer friends, couple friends, because they are asked to choose sides, says Sanderson. Mary, 47, experienced this firsthand when she and her husband divorced. |
